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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Trivial pursuit is not a game I play, and Jeopardy is not a show I watch. I suppose I could learn something from both of them, but random facts don’t interest me. I want to know more than just facts because I want to understand motivations and reasonings.
Have you ever struggled to understand why there is pain, disease, and cruelty?
There’s an underlying assumption that as God’s chosen ones, life is a field of green grass and sweet meadow flowers that we skip through on our way to eternity.
However, this doesn’t quite fit into the calling to be like Christ: Christ suffered. He bled. He died.
We suffer. Our hearts will bleed. And our old nature will die a thousand deaths before we see Jesus face to face.
Even though I know this, I act like a two-year old and roll on the floor screaming, “I want to understand!” when I’m in the middle of the hard.
I want to understand why someone is healed of cancer and another is not. Why would a child raised in the faith walk away from it while another grows stronger in it? How come it’s so hard to do the right thing?
I want to know why some people are able to live a victorious life, while other’s wallow in the pain of their past. Mostly, I want to know why God doesn’t intervene in my circumstance right now–as in yesterday. I’m most demanding in my demands to understand.
I know I trust in God, but my understanding prevents me from acting on that trust.
My understanding is a trust buster.
God’s proven he’s trustworthy, time and again. But before I can say wholeheartedly, “I trust you,” I have to struggle through a heavy load of hard questions that often have no answer.
Seriously, we’re information junkies. We have immense knowledge at our fingertips through Google, Alexa, and Siri. All it takes is asking the question and we have an instant answer. And the more instant the answer, the more we crave instant anything.
In my prayers, I demand to know “why?”
I want to know what needs to change or adjust or move so that this uncomfortable circumstance is gone, done, and finished. I want to wrap my head around the motivations, the reasonings, and the plan to get from point A to point B or even to get back the place I was before.
When I try to understand with my understanding of a situation, I’m normally wrong. Just saying.
But when I surrender my need to understand and release my agitation, trust becomes easier.
We have to come to the point where we can be okay with saying, “I don’t understand and I’m okay with it. I know you never fail and I’m going to trust you.”
And that’s when we stop leaning on our own understanding and instead lean into trusting God because, despite what we see or feel, he makes our paths straight.
Holy God, you are my everything. You are my understanding and I relinquish my need to understand my circumstances. I can trust you because you are good, kind, righteous, just, and with me always and forever. Help me to lean into you and give me a greater understanding of your heart for me. I want to let go of my demanding to know “why” and I want to hang onto your hand as you lead and guide me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.