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I told y’all about a conference …
I went to in this guest post, where God convicted me about a lack of faith in teaching my kids to rely on Him. I also just did a post about how we abide and He brings forth the fruit in our lives, and I realized that once again, it requires a faith to rely on Him to get it done.
I could feel the despair creeping to the center of my heart. Sigh. Why does faith have to be so hard for me???
I started in to my devotions this morning, reading in Luke about the Last Supper, and the betrayal of Christ by Judas, thinking to myself, I’ve read this a dozen times. The answer I’m needing won’t be in here. Yep. I was wrong.
And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold,
Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:
but I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not:
and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.
~Luke 22:31, 32
I read that, and cried. JESUS prayed for Peter’s faith. As I read it, God assured my heart that Jesus prays for my faith too. It’s amazing how He can take His word that is as old as can be and use it to cover our spirits with love and peace. If Jesus is praying for my faith, that’s about as good as it gets.
Then and there I opened my heart to faith, to Him to produce fruit in my life. And that’s when He broke me.
What does that even mean? I’ll tell you.
When I opened myself to Him, I was immediately overwhelmed by my own sinful unworthiness. I now have an idea of the feeling in these verses-
“I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.
Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”
“In the year that king Uzziah died
I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple.
Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings;
with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly.
And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord of hosts:
the whole earth is full of his glory.
And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke.
Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips,
and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips:
for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.”
“His body also was like the beryl, and his face as the appearance of lightning,
and his eyes as lamps of fire, and his arms and his feet like in colour to polished brass,
and the voice of his words like the voice of a multitude…
Therefore I was left alone, and saw this great vision, and there remained no strength in me:
for my comeliness was turned in me into corruption, and I retained no strength.”
My heart was broken, but it was one of the most glorious feelings I’ve ever known. I was abased by my own unworthiness, but at the same time elevated “over the moon” at His exquisite presence.
He made it clear that I don’t have to be anything but open and clean. He is powerful enough to do the rest.
I hope this post meant something to you; I don’t feel like I can convey the full experience, but I pray that it spoke to you somehow. Open your heart to God and faith, and then see what He can do.
How is God encouraging you today?
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