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LifeLetter Cafe LifeWriter Phylicia Masonheimer
grew up in northern Michigan as the oldest of six children and received
her B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh.
Together they have one daughter who is named Adeline was born.
A few of her favorite things:
French pressed coffee, Lake Michigan, Friday morning farm markets, and Lilly Pulitzer.
She is an ENTJ on the Myers-Briggs personality scale and finds nothing more thrilling
than setting new goals (January 1st is her favorite day of the year).
On March 1st, 2017, Phylicia launched her ebook on biblical sexuality,
Christian Cosmo: The Sex Talk You Never Had. This book is for any woman
who needs to reframe her view of sex from the standpoint of Scripture.
Here is an overview in Phylicia’s own words,
Christian Cosmo is the sex talk many girls never get.
In this book I combine the blunt honesty of Cosmo magazine
(from which many Christian women glean their sexual education)
with a biblical approach to the questions girls ask about sex:
why is sex for marriage? What is oral sex? How do I set boundaries?
Rather than learn about sex from the culture,
Christian Cosmo answers sexual questions from a Scriptural standpoint.
By reframing sex for the single girl, we lay the foundation for God-honoring marriages
and end the stigma on female sexuality.
So LifeLetter Cafe is excited to share this recent interview with Phylicia Masonheimer
to dive deeper into the story behind Christian Cosmo: The Sex Talk You Never Had.
Enjoy her answers below in the latest 7 Questions Sunday!
Today’s 7 Questions
LifeLetter Cafe: What is the most important thing you are hoping to accomplish in Christian Cosmo and why did you choose an eBook format?
Phylicia Masonheimer: Until recently, sex was topic the church largely avoided. Even now, most church leaders avoid discussing it – even though it is one of the most relevant topics for believers today! When we do talk about sex, it’s almost always in the context of marriage. That’s why I wrote Christian Cosmo: a sex talk for girls who never had one, revealing the biblical design for sexuality BEFORE we say “I do”. I chose an ebook format in order to release the book sooner. I am currently working on the print edition and hope to make it available in May 2017.
Phylicia Masonheimer: I spent many years in sexual addiction and bondage. Even though I was a Christian, raised in the church, I harbored this secret sin because I was too ashamed to find help. Women struggle with an inordinate amount of shame regarding sexual sin – more, I would say, than men even do. As I came to understand the power of the gospel, the freedom of Christ, and how to fight sexual sin spiritually first, I knew other women needed to hear what I’d discovered. My story is the foundation of Christian Cosmo.
LifeLetter Cafe: How did sexual desires and boundaries become such a taboo topic in so many families?
Phylicia Masonheimer: Fear. I believe fear is the reason we don’t talk about sexuality in our families. We are afraid of introducing it too soon, so we avoid it completely – forgetting that the world is ready and waiting to have that conversation with our eight year olds! We talk about sex in a defensive manner: “Don’t do this” or “Sex before marriage is bad” but once our children get married, they are supposed to “flip a switch” and suddenly see sex as good! This is wrong. Sexuality in and of itself is NOT bad. It should be celebrated and honored before marriage, but used within God’s design. We need to start the conversation much earlier and in a positive light so our children do not see sexuality as a burden, but as a blessing.
We must continually bring our failure to the light,
even when it is as recent as last night, and accept God’s grace over it.
– Phylicia Masonheimer –
LifeLetter Cafe: You reference “conquer sin and shame” in promotion of the book – how do women bring failure out of hiding and find a safe place to share in the context of their dating relationships and marriages?
Phylicia Masonheimer: It starts with vulnerability. We must first be vulnerable with God, letting Him into the most painful, shame ridden places of our hearts so He can bring healing. We must continually bring our failure to the light, even when it is as recent as last night, and accept God’s grace over it. Jesus is our ONLY hope for freedom from sin! The longer we avoid Him, the longer we stay in bondage. Secondly, we need to know how to fight effectively. That starts with repentance and changing how we think about sex, but it also includes accountability and community. We need to tell another person who can help us walk in freedom. Often times this means confessing your past to your significant other as part of the healing process – but they can’t be your accountability partner. You need an objective, supportive, God-loving person who can help you find freedom as you move forward.
LifeLetter Cafe: Explain what you mean by the phrase ‘virginity is not the goal” and is this in fact where so many abstinence programs fall short?
Phylicia Masonheimer: The purity movement has put a huge emphasis on virginity; on preventing people from having sex. And yes, sex outside of marriage is a sin. But if virginity itself is God’s goal, there would be know hope for those who HAVE sinned sexually. Christ died to free us from the power of sin and give us a chance at a new life. That’s why virginity is not God’s goal – holiness is! For some, this will mean maintaining virginity alongside their pursuit of holiness. For others, it will mean walking in God’s forgiveness of their past and letting His holiness define their brand-new sexuality.
LifeLetter Cafe: What kind of early reader feedback is coming your way – what encourages you most?
Phylicia Masonheimer: I have been so blessed by the feedback so far. One of the most amazing testimonies was from a girl whose roommate is not saved. She saw Christian Cosmo on her friend’s computer and asked what it was. This led to a discussion of biblical sexuality and eventually led to the girl coming to Christ! I was brought to tears when I got that email. So many young women have shared how Christian Cosmo has helped them see sex from a positive perspective instead of viewing it as a curse and burden until marriage.
LifeLetter Cafe: Okay – what is your favorite section in this eBook?
Phylicia Masonheimer: The hardest chapter to write was chapter two – it is essentially a glossary of sexual terms and a very frank sex talk for girls who didn’t get one. Though it was hard, many young women found it most helpful! My personal favorite section is the chapter on accepting grace and learning how to walk in forgiveness.