By taking the first step in my recovery journey…
…I admitted my life had become unmanageable as a result of the alcoholics in my life. As I take the next step, I believe that only God has the power to restore me and free me from my bondage.
I accept only God has control over me and those around me. I accept God is my refuge and can renew my soul. I do have the power to control my behavior and my reactions. I determine the thoughts I ponder on, the words I speak, and the responses I have. I do not have control over the thoughts, words, reactions, or behaviors of others.
There were times in my life I would yell, scream, or become extremely angry to express myself. I would, regrettably, lash out at my children, my mother, and others I loved. I battled with eating disorders, depression, and excessive shopping. As I became older I stuffed my feelings deep within. I built a wall around me so no one could gain access and have the freedom to hurt me.
I attempted to heal the pain of living with alcoholism in my family without the help of God or anyone else. I attempted to control my situation with food. I had control over how much food passed my lips, so I chose to avoid it altogether. When that failed, I turned to shopping to fill my emptiness. I found the great sale items, buy them without thinking of the consequences, but soon felt empty again when the new wore off. Each time, I ended up in a state of depression and withdrawal from my family. I spun around on an out of control merry-go-round.
Then, I found God.
Oh, He was there all along, just waiting on me to realize He is the answer I needed. I now know I have the serenity within to control both extremes of behavior. This serenity comes from my relationship with my Heavenly Father. If my behavior and reactions can stand improvement, I have the freedom to ask God for help. God is the one who can turn the chaos into serenity.
Through my steps of recovery I realized God’s character is to love. He is not condemning in His love, but I do have to answer to Him for my behavior. That is why I now turn to Him first when my heart is hurting or I begin to feel anger toward someone. I no longer feel the need to turn toward food (or the lack of) or turn toward shopping to fill my emptiness. God not only fills the empty spaces He pardons my iniquities, heals me, redeems me and crowns me with His love.
“Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget none of His benefits; Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.”
Belief and acceptance are the keys to moving forward in my journey of healing. I accept I have no control over people, situations, and outcomes. I have the true belief that only God has control over those things. I believe God has healed and continues to heal me every day. He has completely relieved me from the pit of despair. I am renewed and I will soar like the wings of an eagle.
Think About It:
- Before today, where have you been trying to find hope?
- What do you believe about God’s character?
- In what areas are you ready to allow God in to help you?
- Download the February Reading Plan (subscriber password required) and Read Philippians 2:13, Hebrews 11:6, 2 Corinthians 12:9.
Journal About it:
Follow along in the My Journey Journal (subscriber password required) and write about how the questions and scriptures today resonated with you. As you write, thank Him for His healing power.
Pray About it:
As you think and write, say this prayer with me.
I praise you today, Lord for you have healed me and redeemed me from the pit of despair. Thank you, Jesus for giving me serenity in the chaos of my life. Thank you for your faithfulness and love. I ask you guard my heart, my words, and my thoughts today and the rest of this week.
In Jesus’ Precious Name,
Talk About it:
This is my story, what’s yours? I would love to hear from you! I enjoy connecting and keeping in touch. Do you feel as though you don’t have anyone you can share with confidentially? Your anonymity is protected. Do you feel you are the only one struggling with the aftereffects of growing up with an alcoholic parent? Sweet sister, YOU are not alone! It’s time to break free from the shackles of your controlling habits, trust issues, co-dependency, guilt, self-blame, hurts, regrets, and heartaches!