Communication: How To Talk To A Man


Hey ladies… As we all know, men are not like us!  . .

Their brains can be wired differently.  Yet, as we try to communicate with them in our homes, in our jobs and in our ministries, we sometime forget that they don’t speak WOMAN.  So how can we get our message across without making THEM CROSS?
Whether we are discussing a chore list for our male child, trying to let our husbands know about our needs, or having a meeting with men at church there are several things we should keep in mind as we share.  I’ve learned many of these through error and don’t always remember them, but I notice when I do, guys respond.   So here they are:

1.  Be Brief:  I can see my husband glazing over sometimes as I weave my story about my day’s minute by minute activities.  =)  I Just need to get to the important part quicker sometimes.  He may not really care about how hard it is to find  the butter dish to match my everyday china, but he does care about the lady I met at the store while I was looking for it.  Spit it out! Get to the important part.

2.  Bottom Line It:  I find that as a leader in our women’s ministry at church I need to talk to a lot of men.  Weird, huh?  *Smile* I have to work my plans and vision through an authority system made up of male pastors.  Sometimes I catch myself going on and on about minute details of an event, backstories on people involved, or my feelings about something when the poor soul I’m talking to really just wants to know “What exactly do you need from me, and when?!?”.

3.  Speaking Of Feelings:  There are times when you need to share your feelings.  There are also times when what really needs to happen is to attack the problem, together.  In order to get things done, men are able to circumvent feelings temporarily and move on to conquer the issues.  If you are on a team or in a family with males, there will be times when your feelings need to be compartmentalized in order to be efficient.

4.  Have Good Timing:  Sometimes the Diva in me forgets that the world does not revolve around me.  The best time to talk may not be during the final half-inning of the World Series, or the middle of a gunfight during a game of “Call of Duty”!  Men don’t multi-task as well as we do.  Choosing the time for the conversation can be as important to the result as choosing the words.

5.  Use Non-invasive Media:  Resist the urge to drop in or pick up the phone for every little thing.  My son once told me that if I left him a voice-mail it “scared him” because he thought it must be an emergency!  Men appreciate getting non-urgent communication through email, texts and even post-it notes.  Interruptions throw them off more easily than us.  This way they can then respond after they have processed and problem solved.  Save the face to face talks for what matters most.  This appeals to both their need for bottom line information as well as timing and brevity.

Aren’t men amazingly wonderful creatures?  I’m surrounded by them, and in turn my life is so blessed by their strong, protective, and leading presence.  Sometimes I just need to remember I’m not talking to my girlfriend… because although they are too gentlemanly to say so, they really don’t see the utter miracle in finding just the right shade of red lipstick.  Ha!  Guys, am I right?  Have a wonderful first weekend of Fall!

Proverbs 25:11a “The right word at the right time is like a piece of custom-made jewelry.”  MSG

About the author : Lori Frank

Lori Frank

Lori Frank is a Pastor's wife, Mother to two grown sons and loves teaching the Bible and writing. She serves the people of Biltmore Baptist Church in Asheville, North Carolina where her husband of 25 years, Dr. Bruce Frank is lead pastor.

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